Flights of Fantasy

Human Adulthood #5: Allies and Powers

In this seventeen-part series on becoming an awakened adult human being, we have already acknowledged the work that needs to be done, dealt with our negative emotions, accepted responsibility and begun to move forward. The fifth step deals with the acquisition of allies and new abilities.

The reason for this is deceptively simple, and devastatingly important to understand: if you do not currently have the ability to do something, it is safest to assume that you do not currently have all the information and support necessary to do it. This doesn’t mean lacking the faith that you can realize your dreams, it is grasping that there is a gap between your current capacities and those necessary to realize your dream.

What abilities or information will you need to accomplish your goal of taking responsibility in all three major arenas of your life? Having a healthy body, healthy career, and finding your soulmate (or nurturing your current relationship)? If you aim at all three, simultaneously, you CANNOT remain asleep. You cannot remain a child. Only an awake adult human being can pull all three off, simultaneously. You are going to need allies, my friend. In a traditional society, this would have been a circle of elders, the old men and old women of the tribe. As a group, they were the repository of every bit of useful knowledge that anyone in the tribe has ever discovered. This is where the younger members would go to learn how to handle every step of life.

Mentors, coaches, teachers–these people fill in the gaps in your knowledge, support you when you are down, help you to believe in yourself when you have lost hope. They are critical. They may be friends, so long as they support you in being your best. Your very best basic ally will be your husband or wife, someone you can trust 100% to tell you the truth, watch your back, and help you to keep your word to yourself. The “Mastermind” concept is all about this: people who are totally aligned with your intent, and offer an exchange of support.

Role models also fit into this category: people who have accomplished what you wish to achieve in your life. By studying what successful people do, then asking: how are they using their minds, bodies, and hearts DIFFERENTLY than you are using yours. If the differences are moral and in alignment with your values, go for it. If not, find new role models. If you can’t find a single person who has achieved your goals in an ethical fashion…you may want to reconsider your goals.

And it is your responsibility to find role models, allies, mentors, coaches and teachers, people you can ask the questions you need answered to take your place in the adult world. And trust me, all of the real goodies are found in that arena–including the emotional freedom to fulfill your childhood dreams.

©2010 STEVEN BARNES

HUMAN ADULTHOOD PART IV: THE ROAD OF TRIALS

In our seventeen-part series, we are building a framework for full awakened human maturity, based on the oldest and most powerful models of human action in existence: the Hero’s Journey and the yogic Chakras. The fourth step of the Hero’s Journey (a distillation of all world myth and story) follows the acceptance of full responsibility for one’s own life and future, our emotions and actions. If one has a clear vision of what must be done, and has dealt with the fear and other negative emotion which arises, then the time has come for action.

The “Road of Trials” is simply the gap between where you currently exist, and what you must become to embrace your destiny. In story as well as life, this is represented by actions and travel. Luke Skywalker visits Mos Eisley cantina. Indiana Jones travels to Tibet. The intrepid reporter interviews big-wigs, and researched in musty old stacks. The expression: “How do you eat an elephant? One forkful at a time” was invented for this. To accomplish at high levels, the “road” between where you are and where you wish to be must be divided into daily tasks, one step, one day, one hour at a time.

How does this specifically relate to the question of becoming an adult? Well, if the benchmark adulthood is responsibility, then we must accept that burden in a balanced fashion. We must carry the weight that our parents, and their parents, bore, or the next generation of children will suffer. What are those responsibilities?

1) For our careers. We must support ourselves, and find a way to take satisfaction if not outright pleasure in what we do. If we take no pleasure, we slide into a sense that our lives are out of control. “Do what you love, or love what you do” is the standard here. And how much should we aim to earn? Enough to support a family, even if we choose not to have one. Aim at money becoming a tool, not a poison.

2) For our bodies. Whether attracting a partner or “merely” moving us through the days of our lives, protecting our health or becoming a piece of living art, our bodies reflect our personalities more than almost anything else. No other basic aspect of our lives responds to our actions so directly as our bodies. But according to Hawaiian “Huna” magic we store our negative, unprocessed emotions in our bodies. If we are to be fully adult and mature, we have to actually experience our lives, pain and all. Pain exists as a message to change something, and when we dull it, we miss the very signs that can inform our most vital decisions. We all want bountiful energy, health, to be attractive to those we are attracted to. The physical body can be a doorway to discipline, honesty, clarity. If you would not be attracted to your own body, you are out of alignment with your values, and functionally a child. Every day we have a chance to take one more step toward authenticity.

3) For our relationships. We wish love, passion, companionship. When our relationships don’t work out, we usually have a childish reaction: to blame the Other, or to believe we are worthless. The truth is between these extremes: we attract what we are. If your heart yearns for someone who is healthier or more powerful or beautiful than you, you have the responsibility to improve. To stop making excuses for yourself, to forgive both yourself and your past partners, to love yourself more and hold yourself to a higher standard of action. To be more honest about who you are, and what you represent, and to radiate the kind of passionate, loving energy toward life that it is easy for others to pick up your “signal.”

If this isn’t enough work for a lifetime, I don’t know what is. But here is the secret: you cannot balance in all three arenas without walking the path of awakened adulthood. It just isn’t possible. There are other paths, of course, but this one places responsibility for your success, and salvation, directly in your own hands. Exactly where any truly adult human being would want it to be.

©2010 STEVEN BARNES

NY Times bestselling novelist, lecturer, martial artist and success coach Steven Barnes has over three million published words, as well as writing for television’s The Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, and Stargate SG-1. He has created Lifewriting™, the holistic success system for writers and readers. Also the breakthrough 101 program and the new HERO’S JOURNEY  program for 21st Century men. Get FREE information at: DIAMONDHOUR