Flights of Fantasy

We’re building a seventeen-part structure for self-coaching and self-exploration, with an end toward becoming responsible, awakened adult human beings. The first ten steps of this structure originate in Joseph Campbell’s famed “Hero’s Journey” The second part of the Hero’s Journey is called the “rejection of the challenge.” What this means is that you are aware of a change that needs to take place, are aware that it would move you to the next level of your life, or alleviate serious concerns, but cannot motivate yourself to do it. In the original “Star Wars” this was the “I can’t go with you, Obi-Wan: I promised Uncle Owen I’d fix the moisture evaporators” moment. When it comes to the task of actually growing up, becoming an adult, this is usually the result of either fear or lack of clarity. In other words, if you know that a particular action or commitment will make a positive change in your life, and that change is, logically, stronger than the amount of pain associated with it, then you have to ask: why don’t you do it?

Well, the truth is that if you are clear enough on the benefit, and believe that you can actually accomplish it, the only thing that will stop you is fear.

There are three basic arenas in which maturation can be measured.

1) Career. Are you self-supporting?

2) Body. Do you have a body that sustains you with health and energy? That You yourself would find attractive?

3) Relationships. Can you attract and hold a mature sexual/romantic partner? Do you love yourself? Are you responsible for your own emotions?

Journaling and introspection can be critical factors in maintaining clarity and dealing with fear as it arises. And trust me: if you try to change any basic aspect of your life, an aspect that would move you to another level of your life, fear will be the guardian at the gate. There are many powerful ways to deal with fear, but here’s a simple one:

1) Visualize a glass tube filled with water.

2) Imagine glitter swirling in the water.

3) Watch the tube quietly, until the glitter settles to the bottom.

Do this, and you will arrive at a state of clarity in which your fear can be seen for what it is: a mental storm which can be observed without participation or control. “I am afraid” is an observation, a fact. “I’m scared!” said with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, followed by an avalanche of interpretations (fear means I can’t do it! Fear means I’m a coward! Fear means I am weak! Etc.) will cripple you.

Vow to see and note your emotions rather than be dominated by them, and you are on the path to control. And emotional control, the ability to choose the appropriate behavior regardless of momentary “feelings”, is an important signpost on the road to maturation. A child does what is fun. An adult does what is necessary. If you don’t grasp the difference, you will live your entire life in an immature state, being controlled by people who have accepted the responsibilities and powers of adulthood.

The choice is yours. Here are more questions to ask in connection with the emotion of fear:

1) What three benefits will this action give my life?

2) How will it impact my energy and health?

3) How will it make my relationships more powerful and loving?

4) How will it positively affect my career and income?

5) What do I fear in relation to this commitment or action?

6) Is this fear real? Does it make sense?

7) Where in my life have I overcome similar fears in the past? What lessons might be found there?

©2010 STEVEN BARNES

NY Times bestselling novelist, lecturer, martial artist and success coach Steven Barnes has over three million published words, as well as writing for television’s The Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, and Stargate SG-1. He has created Lifewriting™, the holistic success system for writers and readers. Also the breakthrough 101 program and the new HERO’S JOURNEY  program for 21st Century men. Get FREE information at: DIAMONDHOUR

For the next few weeks I’m going to present a series of articles by Steven Barnes. They apply to writing (explaining pieces of the Hero’s Journey) as well as to a life well-lived. Steven has given permission to reprint these articles:

You are free to reprint any of these essays on your own site, so long as you reproduce the copyright and resource box, with all links intact. Enjoy!

What is an adult? While we may argue about what a “Man” or “Woman” is, there is remarkable agreement around the world on the subject of Human Adulthood. An adult takes responsibility for his or her actions and emotions. While we can argue about many qualities and attributes, I think we can all agree that the world needs all the adults it can get.

We can address this core question of human maturation by cross-referencing two ancient cultural models of human life: the Hero’s Journey (found in various forms in all world myth and literature), which proposes a ten-step process for growth and progress, and the yogic Chakras which suggest seven basic levels of human existence. This new series of articles is designed to address this basic pattern, one step at a time. There will be eighteen basic parts–look for them!

The first step of the Hero’s Journey is THE HERO IS CONFRONTED WITH A CHALLENGE. In fiction, this might be “Come with me, Luke, and learn the way of the Force!” or a mother finally realizing her child is autistic. In our lives, it might be a sense of unease with our careers, a dissatisfaction with our excess flab, or a yearning to find our Soul Mate. We can have the careers we crave, the bodies we admire (and in general, if you wouldn’t find your own body attractive, there is a serious mis-match between your values and your actions) and a mate who appeals to every aspect of our psyche as well as supporting us in being the very best we can be. We CAN have it all–many have. But there is so much misinformation, as well as encouragement to be mediocre, that good people often can’t find their way to health and happiness.

We can end this by, first, demanding that we actually examine our lives. Look at all three basic aspects: career, relationship, physical health/fitness. Are you living up to your full potential in each? Is your career a source of pleasure or pain? Is your core relationship a source of infinite joy, or simply a dull coupling? Is your body vibrant and alive, or just a bag of negative emotions, a wall protecting a wounded heart, the easy movement and vast energy of childhood a distant memory?

Well, to change this, your first step is that you must SEE it. Must ACKNOWLEDGE it, must wake up and stop dreaming, must stop numbing yourself with denial. If you are successful in any ONE of these three arenas, if you can look deeply enough, you will find the knowledge and strength to succeed in all three. But you must be willing to admit that you want more. Demand more. That is the first step, and it is a powerful one.

First came the Word. The truth will set you free.
©2010 STEVEN BARNES